Much Illumination

Starting over has been...challenging. Seems I've come full circle.

Much illumination comes with frustrating circumstances. When the lights are turned on, they often reveal things we aren't ready to see, things that we never even knew were there in the first place.  Surprises.

I shake my head at it.  Seems insurmountable sometimes.  Still, I do not lose heart.  Even as the doors are slammed in my face, I look for the lesson in it all.  I placed myself here, believing in what God can do when you rely and believe in Him.  Therefore, I have no choice but to trust in His plan and let him guide my steps.

My last interview was at NORC, the National Opinion Research Center.  I interviewed for one of their service desk positions.  They declined to offer me a job because I didn't have enough Active Directory experience.  Fair enough.  But it was a great interview, nonetheless.

God bless the downtrodden.

The Never Man: Forever

The grand madness feeds
gnawing at aspiration, chewing and biting bits
and wasting the rest, greasy pieces of fat
flicked away. So his head bangs a thunderous boom
shaking his mind like a bag of old nickels.
Maybe he's lost, looking for sanctuary in limbo
and there's no grace in hell.

He's colliding with variables of vintage wisdom,
finding hope in a cage, hints of honest care
that points toward The Way.
People calling out, shouting their hardened phrases
of semi-intellectual directives.
Misshapen glory-crushed impressions that curve
and crease and bend around the truth.

He's the Never-Man that never knew,
never understood the plan, cheapened religion
bought through a phony shake of hands
Walking a path without a clue, a hold
precarious at best, a brittle, mildewed rope
that will give way before long, forcing a long
way down.

Paths still sit at their zenith, waiting for walks
from mindless men that want to fill their heads with
need and truth, paths born for youth and their search
for never and nothing and forever and something
for wounds that cripple
or the itch of love, all, none
Never
a grand madness that feeds
into a spiraling pinch, them, never full
Forever.

Fulfillment

No difficulties here. Heh. I'm tripping, right now, sitting in a library about 8 stories up, thinking that the world is a much larger place than previously speculated. As of late, I have been posing questions to myself, wondering if I died today, would I feel complete? Would I be fulfilled?

Quickly, the question becomes, "Am I fulfilled?" Do I feel as if I have accomplished all that I set out to? Emphatically, no. Yet, I have striven for change and purpose and love and God, and I have found them all.

It is a wonder that some people commit suicide contemplating this life. It is sometimes a bit much to bear. Sometimes we just cannot let go of the past. At times, we feel we have no other choice. As the Good Book notes, it is a sin to kill anyone, even yourself, and you will pay for it in the fires of Hell. I don't take the Bible as literally as some folks, because it just wouldn't make sense to see it that way, but Hell could be something we have never thought of, something our feeble human minds cannot grasp.

The world is a much larger place that previously mentioned. I find myself at ease with seeing it all shine so bright in one moment, and be depressingly stark in others. It is the good and the bad, the give and the take, which balances this universe fully. One would be insignificant without the other. Best believe it.