spiritual

Self: Realized by M. Dionne Ward



"Self-realization is an expression used in psychology, spirituality and Eastern religions. The basic premise of self-realization is that there exists an authentic self which has to be discovered by psychological or spiritual self-striving. Self-realization can be a gradual or instantaneous phenomena depending on the school of thought but in all cases it involves extensive preparation of mind and emotions to recognize self-realization when it occurs. 

Self-realization is a maturing of the ego or personality to accept its own evanescence and thus allow space for the true Self to reveal itself. The moon veiled by clouds is an apt metaphor for the Self's apparent absence in our everyday lives. The dissolution of the ego's obsessive, internal pre-occupations with its psycho-somatic complexes frees the psyche's energy to directly experience Reality of the world as it is, free of any assumptions." 

What do you really know about yourself?  To be perfectly honest, most of us live sedentary lives that don't allow for much physical or mental strain.  Life is actually easy when you think about it.  We aren't threatened with physical harm, most of us aren't starving (especially U.S. citizens, where most of us are overweight) and there isn't much desire to push beyond what we experience on a daily basis.  We are content with our homes and families, poor health and improper diets.  We are at ease with sub-par education, lackluster dreams, ironic reality shows, conceited, self-gratifying social icons and money hoarding corporations to the point that we can't see how negatively they affect us.  On and on, we plod through life, sadly apathetic to what is surrounding us.  We are accepting misery.

There was a time when people were aware of what was at stake.  We took a stand for family, friends and God.  All people, not just the so-called Black people (a misnomer still, that I will always shun).  Our neighborhoods were solid, and we looked out for one another.  Now, we seem to mistrust ourselves and live is fear of each other.  We prey on each other, robbing, hurting, even killing those that are in the same predicament.  Then, we say we want better, but only show our worst sides.  Truly, it is like we don't want to be more, it is like we accept that we can only be less.  The government herds us into "projects" as to keep us from those parts of the city that are reserved for the more educated, privileged individuals.  How can one ignore this?  Is it just in the mind of an individual to resign to defeat, simply because of his situation?

I am saddened.  Today I see myself returning to the best of who I am, reclaiming my mind and body from the  edge of insanity.  To do this, my spirit speaks to my soul and they cooperate, unified, to work towards this goal.  It has been a long time since I've been so clear in my thoughts, but being self-realized grants this attribute.  I cannot go back; will not go back.  In 2001, I achieved this state prematurely, only to lose it in my immaturity and confusion.  This time, I will follow this path to the end.  I will speak up for those who have no voice.  I will show that injustice exists.  I will maintain healthy balance.  I will show others how to come into themselves and overcome.

Have you done your best?  Tried your best?  Even if it is not your best, have you tried at all?  What do you think you are? Who do you think you are?  These questions need to be answered.  I encourage you to find out.

God sings, and I hear Him.  I hear Him.  There is nothing like this feeling.


Paralysis by M. Dionne Ward

There are things that eat at you. Things that strip away your soul, bit by terrified bit, swallowing it piece by delightful piece. These issues wait for times of weakness, where we feel lost and uncentered. This is when they do the most damage. It's not like we can do anything. We've already primed our lives for the killing stroke: we can only but await the agony that comes with it.

I allow myself to lose a battle that should already have been won. I follow the weak routes of life and gather the softness that cripples me little by little, smoothing the rough edges of my soul that were never meant to be tempered. I am killing my desires, crushing my soul. Bleeding it dry, as the greatest enemy I have ever known. I am living on my knees.

I see men that have taken life and made it but a toy. They revel in it and make it obey them, or so it seems. So it looks. I can't understand the madness as it is, yet they have somehow done much more than I can. They have conquered something and claimed ownership. I find myself becoming a coward.

I am beckoned to a place of majesty, a kingship, that cannot be granted to anyone. It must be snatched or taken. I must prove that I am the one that deserves such glory. I must make this life mine and shape it so that it defines my dreams.

May God see me through. I need His strength to conquer this personalized paralysis. It's a blight, a sickening darkness that clouds my mind and casts a shade over the light in my soul.