I Look for Motivation

Determination. Tenacity. Patience. Devotion.

They are what is missing from these days. Beyond the joy I feel from my family and the blessing they bestow, God has gifted me with a yearning for completeness. A need to be whole. In my mind I reach for such a desire with gusto, but I am denied because my devotion is lacking. I no longer feel devoted to myself.

This is an angle I never foresaw, and it leaves me bewildered. There's an aching in my mind that I cannot reach, like an itch in the narrow of my back. But, I still seek out an answer.

I read constantly. I look for motivation. For words. Ideas. Thoughts. And I am always missing something. Something. I think if I did find something, somehow I might not know how to utilize it. More than likely, it’s a matter of will, and I’m just too weak right now to accomplish it. That’s the hard and honest answer. The simplest. K.I.S.S. method and all that.

Either way, it won’t stop me from searching. I guess that’s the beauty of it all. The persistence of the journey and the surprises that avail you as you go.

I wish you fortune and blessing in whatever journey you face.

Daily Devotional: Your Spiritual Appetite

John 6:27

27 “Do not labor for the food that perishes, but for the food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give to you. For on him God the Father has set his seal.”

We are a nation of obese and lazy people. Even our military is overweight. It's a sad state of affairs when the people that should be able bodied are having a hard time with being disciplined.

We don't thirst and hunger for the food of the soul, that meat that nourishes our very being. God's word is there for us to study and meditate on, yet we find ourselves busy doing things of no consequence. I am guilty if this, for sure.

I pray that you all seek the manna of God, that he feed and water your very being. Be blessed with his word and find your appetite is renewed, your palate now ready for a more worthy meal. Look within and see that you could never be without.

May God grant you strength to endure this harsh world. Amen.

Daily Devotional: Through The Flame

Isaiah 43:2

2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.

My father asked me today if I was feeling alright. He asked me if I was depressed. My father is quite insightful, able to see certain signs in my behavior. I told him that I was fine, although yesterday I had begun to think negatively about my present state of affairs. I had almost succumbed to the thought that I had failed. Yet, my father, being who he is, told me that this is only a temporary situation. Very true. It is indeed temporary.

I told him that even as it was temporary, I felt that we all must reap what we sow. We all pay for the choices we make sooner or later, whether they are good or bad. He was in agreement and conveyed that he felt much the same about his cancer.

But through these trials, God is always with us. He doesn't desert us, no matter how we feel about our situations or our lives. This scripture was perfect for today, and I must meditate on its perfection. It is like a sharp sword; how much the Word is like a soothing medicine. It heals and cuts. The word builds and destroys. May it give you peace and torment, bringing you to the Light of Day.

Amen.

Idols

I always find a way. No matter what, I'm never down for long. Life, with its fucking complicated twists and turns can be terribly jarring for the one affixed to the life he leads. Sometimes, you have to give yourself a bit of distance from what your life is in order to see what it can become.

What I mean is that you can't be so attached to everything and be too comfortable to make changes. Sometimes, life won't give you warnings; it will upset your livelihood in a blink. Holding on too much, too tightly, will make letting go that much harder.

There should be no other idols before the one God. We make idols out of those things that usurp God's importance in our lives. If you would rather smoke weed than read the Bible or go to church or if you hold your shoe collection a bit too dear to your heart, then those things have become idols.

Be cautious. You will find it difficult to see the truth of God if you are spending time on things that are inconsequential.

Self: Realized

"Self-realization is an expression used in psychology, spirituality and Eastern religions. The basic premise of self-realization is that there exists an authentic self which has to be discovered by psychological or spiritual self-striving. Self-realization can be a gradual or instantaneous phenomena depending on the school of thought but in all cases it involves extensive preparation of mind and emotions to recognize self-realization when it occurs. 

Self-realization is a maturing of the ego or personality to accept its own evanescence and thus allow space for the true Self to reveal itself. The moon veiled by clouds is an apt metaphor for the Self's apparent absence in our everyday lives. The dissolution of the ego's obsessive, internal pre-occupations with its psycho-somatic complexes frees the psyche's energy to directly experience Reality of the world as it is, free of any assumptions." 

What do you really know about yourself?  To be perfectly honest, most of us live sedentary lives that don't allow for much physical or mental strain.  Life is actually easy when you think about it.  We aren't threatened with physical harm, most of us aren't starving (especially U.S. citizens, where most of us are overweight) and there isn't much desire to push beyond what we experience on a daily basis.  We are content with our homes and families, poor health and improper diets.  We are at ease with sub-par education, lackluster dreams, ironic reality shows, conceited, self-gratifying social icons and money hoarding corporations to the point that we can't see how negatively they affect us.  On and on, we plod through life, sadly apathetic to what is surrounding us.  We are accepting misery.

There was a time when people were aware of what was at stake.  We took a stand for family, friends and God.  All people, not just the so-called Black people (a misnomer still, that I will always shun).  Our neighborhoods were solid, and we looked out for one another.  Now, we seem to mistrust ourselves and live is fear of each other.  We prey on each other, robbing, hurting, even killing those that are in the same predicament.  Then, we say we want better, but only show our worst sides.  Truly, it is like we don't want to be more, it is like we accept that we can only be less.  The government herds us into "projects" as to keep us from those parts of the city that are reserved for the more educated, privileged individuals.  How can one ignore this?  Is it just in the mind of an individual to resign to defeat, simply because of his situation?

I am saddened.  Today I see myself returning to the best of who I am, reclaiming my mind and body from the  edge of insanity.  To do this, my spirit speaks to my soul and they cooperate, unified, to work towards this goal.  It has been a long time since I've been so clear in my thoughts, but being self-realized grants this attribute.  I cannot go back; will not go back.  In 2001, I achieved this state prematurely, only to lose it in my immaturity and confusion.  This time, I will follow this path to the end.  I will speak up for those who have no voice.  I will show that injustice exists.  I will maintain healthy balance.  I will show others how to come into themselves and overcome.

Have you done your best?  Tried your best?  Even if it is not your best, have you tried at all?  What do you think you are? Who do you think you are?  These questions need to be answered.  I encourage you to find out.

God sings, and I hear Him.  I hear Him.  There is nothing like this feeling.

No Reason To Live A Lie

Someone out there has to be tired of living a lie. Tired of feeling empty, following hollow dreams that lead to other types of futility. You have to be fed up with the world and the way it mocks you and scoffs at you. The lies are right in front of our faces, and we just accept them like we're puppets, dancing and shuffling about with a hand up our back. You don't even know who's hand it is, but someone's prodding you along...

Each time you react in anger or cower in fear, that hand is grabbing hold and tossing you about. Everytime you have an argument and hide behind your pride, there's the puppetmaster, moving his fingers and making you do that dance. And you can't even see it, because you think the puppetmaster is you. You think that you're the one with the anger and the fear, yelling and screaming at anything that opposes you. And most of you will defend to the death your right to shout and curse and deliver your opinion upon others in such a way that causes division and separation. You want to be right. You're right and they're wrong.

I'm here to say that it isn't you, but it is that thief of life- your ego- that causes you to become lost to the Truth God has given us. God is the giver of love and not confusion, so these arguments are foolish to him. Your anger and pride is unwarranted. These things are false projections of the ego in an attempt to protect itself. It wants to preserve the illusion. Maybe you can refer to it as the devil or a demon. Either way, it destroys your life from the inside, controlling how you think, what you do and what you say.

There is still time to shift our present state of awareness from one that is fearful, to one that is of love. Jesus asked us to forgive as many times as it takes, no matter the circumstances. We must surrender our foolish thoughts and tendencies in order to enter the truth of love and understanding. We must leave behind the idea that all truth is relative as well, because that is nothing but a precursor to chaos. I tell you there is but one Truth, and it is the beauty of God through love and forgiveness. Surrender your heart to Him, so that He may heal you and so you may heal others.

May God bless you in your journey towards the Truth.

REVOLVER Revisited

There’s no such thing as problems, Mr. Green. Only situations. – Avi
You only get smarter by playing a smarter opponent. – Mr. Green

The art is for me to feed pieces to you and make you believe you took those pieces…because you’re smarter and I’m dumber.

The more sophisticated the game, the more sophisticated the opponent.
Place your opponent in an arena you can control. The bigger the space, the easier the control. The more that can be controlled.

They either think the game can’t be that old, or it can’t be that big.

The opponent distracts the victim by getting him consumed with his own consumption.
You will always find a good opponent in the very last place you will ever look.

Use any means possible to induce head pain and engage the enemy.


Imagine that you are using a computer. You input commands in order to make the computer do what you want. You create words, play games and even watch movies. You use it as a tool to accomplish everyday tasks. It is just a means to an end.

Our brain is like this computer. We use it to perform tasks. We remember things and our memory serves to help us navigate this world. Whether the task is easy or difficult, we still use our brain to figure out things. It experiences things that we experience. It calculates the changes that we must make in order not to be hurt. The pleasure we feel is recorded. It rides with us. Like our best friend, it is always there with us.
But the brain is not us. The mind is not us. It can never be. It is just a tool, like the computer. It must be used for certain things, and then put away when it is not needed.

For instance, if you become angry at something, it is usually a reaction that has an origin in fear. You become angry because you think someone either meant to offend you or the action bothered you enough to cause you physical distress. Your mind puts up a defense to protect you. It wants to answer in anger, and often does. It wants to react. But if you ask the question, “Why am I angry?” the reaction then becomes a choice. You are then choosing to react to this issue: choosing to become angry or not. In the interest of personal peace, it is probably best to choose peace than anger.

Did you know you had a choice? Would you choose peace over anger? Your mind would have you think that you need to retaliate to hurt those that hurt you. Any perceived offense is a means for the mind to lash out and defend or protect, solidifying our dependence upon it. But the mind is not protecting you. It is protecting itself to keep itself in use. To feed the façade that it actually exists.

What I am trying to tell you is that YOUR MIND IS YOUR ENEMY because ALL YOUR LIFE YOU HAVE ALLOWED IT TO EXIST WITHIN THE FANTASY THAT IT IS YOU. You feed it each day. And each day it becomes stronger.

Learning to see what’s real and what is false is the next step. It is what some people would call enlightenment and the path to God. The knowing that those negative reactions are not truly you, will give you the power to part the veil and see the shame of the world.

Jake Green: "There is something about yourself that you don't know. Something that you will deny even exists, until it's too late to do anything about it. It's the only reason you get up in the morning. The only reason you suffer the shitty puss, the blood, the sweat and the tears. This is because you want people to know how good, attractive, generous, funny, wild and clever you really are. Fear or revere me, but please, think I'm special. We share an addiction. We're approval junkies. We're all in it for the slap on the back and the gold watch. The hip-hip-hoo-fuckin' rah. Look at the clever boy with the badge, polishing his trophy. Shine on you crazy diamond, because we're just monkeys wrapped in suits, begging for the approval of others."

Trapped in the Matrix

I am hoping most of you have seen the movie, The Matrix. Maybe some of you haven’t seen it, possibly because it is sci-fi and you just don’t dig the genre. Maybe because you just don’t care for Keanu Reeves. Whatever the reason, I recommend it not because of the action, but because of its underlying philosophy. The Matrix challenges us to question the lives we are really living. Are we just sheep lead to the slaughter, walking through life with our heads down simply ignoring the truth of what is going on around us? Can we take charge of our real lives, the REALITY of ourselves, and travel the path towards mental freedom? The red pill or the blue pill? The choice is obvious, if we only recognize what the truth is…

The character Cypher in the movie represented the part of us that would rather accept the façade and live in ignorance of the truth. He betrays the cause that Neo is leading because he can’t deal with the pain that is revealed when the true path is taken. He thinks that living the lie is better. Is that how the majority of the world will feel? Are we so vain and ego-centric that we would prefer the lie over the truth? Sadly I think it is so…

But what happens when we begin to see the truth, and we embrace the hard path that Jesus walked? I have begun to look and recognize the part of myself that is false, and challenge it. Each day I make steps to dismantle my ego thoughts and diffuse them, which is to say, become aware of them. I recognize the ego thoughts that come because they are crazy and full of fear, doubt, sadness and anger. These ego thoughts do nothing but cloud the realness of who we are, and make life much harder to live with those around us.

Why do you think there is so much war and poverty and suffering? We suffer because of our egos and the by-products loosed from their manifestation. Jesus asked us to “die to ourselves” so that we may embrace the path he had taken. This death is refusing what the ego shows us and becoming aware of the veil it has draped over our lives. We must fight ourselves to become ourselves, which is no easy task. Yet it must be done.

Think about all the pain you have dealt with. Have you let it go? Do you still react to it? Does it still cause you to lash out in anger at others? Has it affected your relationships? If it has, then you will need to reevaluate your life and ask God to intercede so that you can let those situations go and forgive. The one thing God says for us to do is to forgive as He has forgiven us, and we will find freedom. Yet, we refuse to live that way. We hold onto it all and bury it down deep till it poisons us and all the relationships in our lives. We must get past this and become better people by recognizing our ego thoughts and challenging them. Those thought do not originate from the real you. The real you is free and clear and beautiful, not bitter and hateful and angry.

Please search your hearts and you will find what I say to be true.

Don't Swear!

James 5:12
Above all, my brothers and sisters, do not swear--not by heaven or by earth or
by anything else. All you need to say is a simple "Yes" or "No."
Otherwise you will be condemned. (NIV)

Now this is something interesting! The Bible says that we shouldn't swear at all, or we should be condemned! That means that what the courts do by making people swear to "tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth" is a mockery and a condemnation for Christians.

We should make our word our bond, so that we do not fall into the trap that is laid for us by the Self, the World and the Devil. I know that I try to keep my word as much as possible, so that I won't have to swear, that I will be believed. See, if you are in the habit of keeping your word, people will believe you and you are your word. We should not be victims of this "swearing" because in the end only the person and God knows what the truth is.

One should be able to walk upright and speak good things so that he doesn't fall into judgment. I am fallible, but a weak man in God's eyes, but he still loves me and expects for me to do his will upon the Earth. Though I have his forgiveness, I should always do what I say so that I am known as a man of my word. Therefore, as they say, my "reputation precedes me".

God bless.

Respect Yourself

If you want to be respected by others the great thing is to respect yourself. Only by that, only by self-respect will you compel others to respect you. - Fyodor Dostoyevsky

With a little illumination, just a bit more light, comes a brighter piece of the whole picture, shining for one to explore. I think that I have disrespected myself long enough, and with that, I have to make amends. I look at myself these days and see only a shadow of the former me. Though stronger, I am more agitated. I think I am wiser, but what have I to show for it? To what aim do I drive myself towards?

I only mean that I have come to the brink. I am looking over the precipice and down into the abyss. This, I think, is much like facing the inevitable downfall which is death: the release of our soul essence into God's infinite spirit. Through Jesus who strengthens me in my beliefs, I am grounded. I dare not waver, for as I respect He who gave me breath, I must realize that I gain respect through the ideals I have faith in. Basically, as I show my respect of God and others, others will respect me for those very things.

Your light can shine bright, for all to see. It breaks the darkness and shows the way, like any modern flashlight. The light is within us all and yearns to eminate from our being for all to notice. Some people call this an aura. It doesn't matter what it's called, because the idea is to cultivate your inner man in order to influence the outer one.

Respect of yourself will lead others to respect you. You must show that you are a person of principles; of faith. I am just now remembering what it is I need to be the happy, loving, gentle and caring person I know that I am. Sometimes when there is something missing from our lives we lose touch with who we are and begin to falter in our principles. I submit that at those times, we are disrespecting our inner being, refusing to grasp the true happiness we are allowed.

Think on it.
God be praised.

The Straight Path, Re-Visited

"Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator."
-Colossians 3:9-10


Thank you God for giving me another chance.

I know so much has happened in the past year, but I continue to be hopeful. You have made a way for me when I literally had none. I can remember when I was at work in Washington, not knowing where I was going to sleep that night, lo and behold you sent someone that gave me a place to lay my head for not one night, but three. Lord, I was actually homeless for those days, and I realize that you wouldn't let me fall too far, as long as I had you on my mind and in my heart.

I thank you for just being God all by yourself. You don't need any help to make the stars shine and the planets move. I am humbled by your grace and in awe of your majesty. I ask that you continue to build in me the great human being you have asked me to be. I know I have my flaws and I fall short of what you want me to be, but you love me anyway. Thank you.

I ask that you take care of my loved ones. I want you to watch over them and keep them safe, Lord. My friends, all those near and far, keep them close to you so that no harm may befall them. I ask that those things or people you don't want in my life Lord, remove them with grace and expedience, Father, for I must not tarry. Liberation is near.

My true goal in life was to just be free. I know it sounds simple and maybe even crazy, but freedom is elusive. Highly sought, but rarely found. Help me find my way, Heavenly Father. This is my prayer to you, for I am but a lowly servant, a man trying to be a warrior. Put me on the straight path, so that I may lead by example.

In Jesus name I pray to Thee, Amen.

The Stars, Your Voice

What I love about life is that it is so full of surprises. I could never guess what would happen to me next. I think that's much of the joy that we seem to take for granted. I believe that if we stop to see just how much we should be thankful for, the world be a happier place. Yet we heap misery upon one another, stacking pain like cinder blocks. And when Love comes unannounced as it is accustomed to, will we be buried too deep in the pain to reach out welcome it in?


And the stars look like diamonds glittering in the heavens
my eyes glowing gratefully caught
staring at many dreams, the wishes of my brethren
keepsakes knowing for what they were bought

And now I spend a fortune on you and your smile making
emptying my pockets in earnest mirth
giving it all; it's all there for the taking
my gratitude, my adoration's worth

Going toward love is possibly a fool's errand performed
whilst silly songs play steadily on
It is a dangerous occupation as I was warned
My mind slips and is readily gone

Yet for you, for you, for you I would remain lost
little by some chance gather pity
them throwing their change for me to regain cost
I am centered in your treasured city.

And a voice sounds like chimes ringing in the heavens
my ears knowing, graciously sought
against many lies, clouded and irreverent
that Reason, Love, and what you taught.

Knowledge Is Wasted On Fools

They are all hollow, empty creatures, blind, their ragged intellect unkempt, misused, treading through the old world with its red-faced belligerence. Seems they walked ashamed then, and I am forced to confront the dead essence of what I hoped to avoid. Why do they ignore the signs? These are signs of tears, of blood, that sit high and noticeable but might as well be removed, for knowledge is wasted on fools.

It's as if their heads are vacant buildings that harbor dissidents and disease, rats and filth, but outwardly proclaim, "ROOMS for RENT: CHEAP!!!"

My mind is restless, caring naught for gain but glory, so I am lost in my own inner rebellion- good and evil clawing at my sternum. Still I am not empty, my honor is gold, and I realize the world holds nothing of the true substance anymore, emptied of its most promising days- or maybe those days are still on order.

Why is it that faith holds no meaning anymore? Are we really that empty, still, that we search for outward impressions instead of turning the eye to the inner? Is God dead in the eyes of men? I question that, because I read bits of "Thus Spoke Zarathustra" and the author's proclamation of "God's death" seemed to be a theme that echoes through this country. There is nothing sacred. We fall victim to the wiles of the devil, caught in his distractions, yet we must not make them our focus and backslide down the path to ruin.

The Bright Things

"And that was how Kazamatsuri went out of my life. No trace of anger, no resentment, did he let show on his face. As I prayed for him, I felt something greater watching over me from above. When a man abandons ego and obstinacy, he can accept the gods and learn how to truly love. It took me a long time to learn that essential truth. The most important thing is to give your all until the very last."
- Samurai Fiction

You can replace "gods" with "God". I just wanted to place the direct quote there. The meaning is there, and that really is what is most important. Time and time again I catch these phrases from different sources and they lend a little wisdom in times of great need. I am glad I pay attention, because I would be much worse off.

I am positive and grateful for the wondrous many things that the Lord exposes me too. Knowing that the human spirit is both evil and good, we must put ourselves in the way of the positive and bright things within our lives, so that we may not succumb to the devil's trap.

I wish you all well. God be thanked!