I Can't Wait, by Nu Shooz

Man, I love this song. Everytime I hear it, it reminds me of growing up during the onset of the MTV generation. But now, I have a much more recent fondness for it...It reminds me of someone...


I Can't Wait

My love, tell me what it's all about
You've got something, that I can't live without
Happiness, is so hard to find
Hey baby, tell me what is on your mind

Coz I can't wait (baby I can't wait)
Till you call me on the telephone
I can't wait (baby I can't wait)
Till we're all alone
I can't wait

You know I love you even when you don't try
I know that our love will never die
Hey darling, when you look into my eye
Please tell me you'll never have to say goodbye

Coz I can't wait (baby I can't wait)
This is what I've been waiting for
I can't wait (baby I can't wait)
Till my love walked in the door
I can't wait (baby I can't wait)
True love is so hard to find
I found yours, you found mine
I can't wait (baby I can't wait)
Tell me what is on your mind
I can't wait

The Stars, Your Voice

What I love about life is that it is so full of surprises. I could never guess what would happen to me next. I think that's much of the joy that we seem to take for granted. I believe that if we stop to see just how much we should be thankful for, the world be a happier place. Yet we heap misery upon one another, stacking pain like cinder blocks. And when Love comes unannounced as it is accustomed to, will we be buried too deep in the pain to reach out welcome it in?


And the stars look like diamonds glittering in the heavens
my eyes glowing gratefully caught
staring at many dreams, the wishes of my brethren
keepsakes knowing for what they were bought

And now I spend a fortune on you and your smile making
emptying my pockets in earnest mirth
giving it all; it's all there for the taking
my gratitude, my adoration's worth

Going toward love is possibly a fool's errand performed
whilst silly songs play steadily on
It is a dangerous occupation as I was warned
My mind slips and is readily gone

Yet for you, for you, for you I would remain lost
little by some chance gather pity
them throwing their change for me to regain cost
I am centered in your treasured city.

And a voice sounds like chimes ringing in the heavens
my ears knowing, graciously sought
against many lies, clouded and irreverent
that Reason, Love, and what you taught.

Silly

I was at work today, and I heard this song. Kind of hard to ignore the passion in it, and it is one of those heart felt ballads that will work its way to the core of you...it's called "Silly".

It's so very rare that I cry, but I heard this song and I was near tears...man. I know this is about a woman and her feelings for a man, but it makes me think about the times that maybe I was that man...the wrong I've done. Or maybe, the times I have spent by the phone wondering if I would ever hear from someone again. Minnie Ripperton is no joke, kid.


Silly of me to think that I
Could ever have you for my guy
How I love you
How I want you
Silly of me to think that you
Could ever really want me too
How I love you

You're just a lover out to score
I know that I should be looking for more
What could it be in you I see
What could it be

Oh...oh...oh...love, oh, love
Stop making a fool of me
Oh...oh...oh...love, oh, love
Stop making a fool of me

Silly of me to think that you
Could ever know the things I do
Are all done for you
Only for you
Silly of me to take the time
To comb my hair and pour the wine
And know you're not there

You're just a lover out to score
And I know that I should be looking for more
What could it be in you I see
What could it be

Oh...oh...oh...love, oh, love
Stop making a fool of me
Oh...oh...oh...love, oh, love
Stop making a fool of me

Ooh...hoo...hoo...hoo...

Silly of me to go around
And brag about the love I've found
I say you're the best
Well, I can't tell the rest
And foolish of me to tell them all
That every night and day you call
When you could care less

You're just a lover out to score
And I know that I should be looking for more
What could it be in you I see
What could it be

Oh...oh...oh...love, oh, love
Stop making a fool of me
Oh...oh...oh...love, oh, love
Stop making a fool of me, uh-huh

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh...ooh...ooh...silly
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh...ooh...ooh...silly

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Silly
Ooh, ooh, la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
Silly
La-la-la-la-la-la
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
Silly

Knowledge Is Wasted On Fools

They are all hollow, empty creatures, blind, their ragged intellect unkempt, misused, treading through the old world with its red-faced belligerence. Seems they walked ashamed then, and I am forced to confront the dead essence of what I hoped to avoid. Why do they ignore the signs? These are signs of tears, of blood, that sit high and noticeable but might as well be removed, for knowledge is wasted on fools.

It's as if their heads are vacant buildings that harbor dissidents and disease, rats and filth, but outwardly proclaim, "ROOMS for RENT: CHEAP!!!"

My mind is restless, caring naught for gain but glory, so I am lost in my own inner rebellion- good and evil clawing at my sternum. Still I am not empty, my honor is gold, and I realize the world holds nothing of the true substance anymore, emptied of its most promising days- or maybe those days are still on order.

Why is it that faith holds no meaning anymore? Are we really that empty, still, that we search for outward impressions instead of turning the eye to the inner? Is God dead in the eyes of men? I question that, because I read bits of "Thus Spoke Zarathustra" and the author's proclamation of "God's death" seemed to be a theme that echoes through this country. There is nothing sacred. We fall victim to the wiles of the devil, caught in his distractions, yet we must not make them our focus and backslide down the path to ruin.

A Future Time

This vision is for a future time.
It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled.
If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently,
for it will surely take place.
It will not be delayed.

Habakkuk 2:3 (NIV)

The future...

If only anyone could tell it with any surety...it would be a gift and a curse. To think of having such a gift and being a sane individual is hard to fathom. It would definitely drive me to the brink. I have to reason to want that sort of gift.

Yet we are infatuated with knowing the future. We forecast the weather, sales, elections. We as human beings have a fascination with WHAT WILL HAPPEN. I don't think we would know what to do if we could really tell what would happen 2 days from now. It would be a destructive power, disrupting everything, echoing in ripples, breaking all it touches.

Nostradamus predictions. Psychic lines. Tarot cards.

The Bible says beware of false prophets. I am inclined to follow directions. Sometimes these predictions hold true, but from whom do they really come? Check your sources, and beware...no one knows the future with any certainty but God in Heaven.

See Me in Shame

Losing a love like that worries the soul, hurries the heart beat and makes the time drag.
Looking there above, might that bury the role, parry the far reach and take the mind back?
Sad that I dream of you still yet know you are happier in another’s arms
Bad that I mean for your will kept low to mar laughter and forever harm.
Don’t I know that you believe my love died when I left you crying in your doorway?
Won’t I grow that blue relief, my rough lies then but jest, true, dying in more poor ways?
Yet I live on with a fondness for the future and an itch to become a greater man
Regrets? I give none. Gifted, bond-less, more the couture man, hand stitched: new. He shuns a faker brand.
Hopefully, if we ever meet again, I will be able to smile at you, and you greet me the same.
Woefully, rifts seem ever deep, my friend. I’m ill. Free, stable, too riled at you. And you see me in shame.

Endure

The theme for this weekend has to be "Endure".

When I was driving up this way it was storming like crazy, and it was
late at night. I was having a hard time seeing, but I pushed through. At
one point I felt I might need to pullover and wait for a time till it
passed; never happened. I endured that bit of weather to reach my
destination safely.

Saturday was the dance production for "Endure", a not-for-profit company
that takes those gifted with dance and puts them together to present
that gift to God. It was about 2 hours of dancing with no intermission.
Frenetic and intense, it made me think that the name Endure was not
chosen by coincidence. These performers went hard, quickly changing
between sets, seemingly giving their all for God and their talent.

Therefore I am reminded that I have endured; that I must continue to
endure. That I must be patient if I am to claim the prize that God has
for me. He has a woman for me. A beautiful, loving Christian woman that
will be like the rib attached to my spine. He has a home for me. He has
a car for me. I will be victorious in my quest for better health. I will
find all that I need in HIM.

I fear not the future. It is something that will happen. I can only
partly influence it with my actions. Some things are out of my control,
such as other people and their ways and actions. So I move forward, no
matter what, knowing I have a destiny in JESUS CHRIST, trusting Him to
set the crooked things straight. I will ENDURE what comes, and pray that
I am able to stand against my enemies to create a brighter future for
myself.

Marcelle D. Ward

Dear Shadows (the nature of a thing)

To the shadows that haunt these strange, caged angles
The shadows that bathe in the corners and the annals
Seeping through the crevices, creeping in the cracks
The shadows that laugh and curse at our backs

Were you dreaded and frightening, cold and lost?
Alive in our nightmares, but our dreams, accost?
Ghosts of our days playing in the light
Waiting for the maddening pulse of the night

Dear Shadows, I watch, and follow along
Gathering my thoughts as to what you did wrong
I find it is none but the nature of a thing
To want more for itself; to follow its dreams.

2 Sides

"There are moments which mark your life, moments when you realize
nothing will be the same, and time is divided into 2 parts: 'Before
this' and 'After this'. Sometimes you can feel a moment like this
coming...or so I tell myself. I tell myself that at times like that,
strong people keep moving forward anyway. No matter what they're going
to find." - Intro by Denzel Washington in "Fallen"

Now this is what life hands you. Moments that are significant enough to
challenge your entire notion of living. Times that really wake you up to
the reality of the meaning of "inner strength" and "mind power". These
times are so moving that your soul cannot hope to avoid its bullet.

Times are wonderful and terrible the same. They are beautiful and ugly.
We cannot face the world without acknowledging the darkness in us all.
The second side to the coin; and you can only view one side at a time.

What is your other side? What has marked your life so that you must face
something wonderful or terrible? How do you embrace it?
Marcelle D. Ward

Light My Path

How soon I forget how much my sanity is worth. How precious my time is.
Honestly, I keep running into the same damn walls...I guess I kinda do
it to myself. Maybe it's Karma. Whatever it is, I think it has to stop.
I have to find a new answer to an old question to save myself the
trouble of being troubled with folks that don't wanna be around me or
find me bothersome. This morning I woke up in a bed with someone who
really didn't want me there. My pride would like to know why, but
another part of me wants not to give a damn. I am leaning towards the
latter.

I guess moving on from relationships is becoming easier. The older I
get, the more cynical I become. I would like to believe I will find a
good thing but I know it's kinda what you make it. It looks as if I
don't want to be in a relationship, when the truth is I would love one.
I just don't want to settle. And I don't wanna be with someone who
thinks they are settling. I want someone to care for me with all my
inconsistencies attached. I want to be able to look at that person and
feel like they love me most; second only to God.

So here we go. On to another realm; another wacky world wrought with woe
and wonder where we witness willingness weeping wildly. (I love
alliteration!) I am willing to let God show me my mistakes and light my
path.
Marcelle D. Ward

The Happiness of Being Sad (What I Found)

Do you think of me as I do you,
As I would hope to dream to do
Knowing that our days have been few
Should I think to see it through?

If I could know of all I need
And see to where my thoughts might lead
A prison gone, prisoner freed
to avoid the pain, shame the bleed

But man I am, immortal not
the things I plan are soon forgot
Ideas are lost, I am caught
In seeking and not being sought

I think of you and I am glad
Of the thoughts we shared, times we had
Talking of the good and the bad
The happiness of being sad

So if there is more, if there's few
If we move on, or if we're through
I find I'm happy to pursue
Thoughts and dreams of loving you.

(I found that I have a fondness for sentimentality, and sadly it permits
me to be too forthcoming at times. But what can I say? Life kind of
pulls us along and we hit bumps in the road trying not to fall or let
go. Who knows what will happen next?

I have read that "there are other worlds than these". I feel that each
time I enter a new job, a new city, a new relationship, there is a new
world to explore. So, here I am again...wandering unexplored terrain.
This poem is both the new and the old me; I am freeing one to be the
other.)
Marcelle D. Ward

The Evolution: D. Swaine

It has been a while since I have sent a message to this blog, but I am
in good spirits. I am finding so much out about myself that I can only
smile and know God is gracious and merciful, and He has so much in store
for me. I am ever grateful for that.

Forgiveness comes to me in a way that I think may be hard for others. It
is easy for me to forgive folks now and I see how stress free I am in my
life. I recall my ex saying something about me not adding my misery to
hers, but she misunderstood me. See, I am never miserable. I am ever
HOPEFUL. Just cause I am disappointed in someone does not make me
miserable. Just because I have no money does not make me miserable. No
job; not miserable. And those of you who know me can attest that I have
not once shown, to any degree, any manner of depression.

I can be upset at someone and still go about my day because I have that
in my heart; the capacity to forgive and love and be compassionate. I
found that my gifts make me happy and using them alleviates any worry or
doubt. I often lose hours designing and creating, so much so that I feel
like I traversed another world. In a way I have, for I have found in me
the Comforter I so desired and he continues to aid me in my
transformation.

D. Swaine is my pen name. From now on I will write under this pseudonym,
that is, if I produce any further literature. But I feel there will be
at least one more book. D. Swaine is also the image of the capacity of
power I have within; the inward manifestation of knowledge and wisdom.

I go forth now as a soldier waging war. I go into battle armed with the
Sword of Truth. My mind is that sword, where God makes all things
possible.

Marcelle D. Ward

The Quiet Storm

"A quiet storm, blowing, through my life...". What's that like? Storms
are of course loud and often dangerous, but I am supposed to imagine it
without the boom? Maybe Smokey was talking about some crazy lady that
brought excitement to his world for a moment and then she was outta here
like Vladimir. All flash and glow and wondrous wind, caressing his
imagination to behold a woman's beautiful ways...

Maybe she is my quiet storm, new and strong and alive, but soon to die
away to make room for another. Very interesting, that concept. I have
had the song in my head all day, accompanying a pinched nerve in my back
and a need for sleep. Maybe tomorrow will be another song and the same
ailments?

I am finding a lot of freedom and I feel exceptional as far as utilizing
my talents is concerned. So alive and full of potential. Glad God hasn't
taken anything away. Hopefully the use of my gifts isn't a quiet storm
as well, here tonight and gone tomorrow.

Ellecram Draw's Journal: The Rough Woman

05/18/09 08:28 am:
In the dream I was in a room full of people, like a party. I was seated
on the couch next to a woman, beautiful and rough in her speech. Her
voice grew coarse as she spoke, yet it drew me in. There was another
woman who was seated on the couch at the opposite side. Her words were
indistinct, but she was talking to me. I could only pay attention to the
rough woman, though. She talked and I listened, drawn into her embrace.
As we were about to kiss, I recognized her for the demon she was, and I
pushed her down into the couch. Her eyes were lightening and she
screamed thunder as the room flickered. Then, nothing. It was morning
and I could hear|see rustling against the door. Rushing to it, I was
relieved to make out the sound of mail being deposited. No sooner than I
had realized such, there was a ring on my phone. Crossing the room, past
the couch, I saw that it was a text message, in bold, which read: I
know. A couple spaces down there was an unread message as well, in
bold, which was but one word: Marcel. Whoever had sent it did not know
me well enough to spell my name correctly. But the message was clear
enough. "Marcel. I know."

Upon awakening my head was pounding; a strange and powerful ache that
forced me to realize the dream meant something. It was a message, or an
omen. I don't believe in coincidence. Something is about to happen...
--
Sent from my T-Mobile Sidekick®

Nights Like This

Nights like this you run away from yourself, hiding in mundane forms of
entertainment that can only sidestep the spiritual ennui felt in the
death of the day. Nights like this are masks to the murder of calling;
the crisp break from normalcy and the departure toward mediocrity.

On my shoulders wisdom rests, wrought with careless abandon and cautious
advance, two sides of the same coin, the same answer from a different
perspective. My world on my shoulders.

Of course this night withers, a night like this dies a decadent
expiration leaving memories fondly shaped and colored, to be held on
another night like this, to die thusly.
Marcelle D. Ward

Trippin' On the Past

Often I am reminded of the past, and I see the mistakes I have made all
roll out in some kind of mental parade, in no certain order, flashing
and spinning like police lights. I wonder if I have done the things I
should have, or just the things I wanted to. I think about "what if",
and contemplate the outcome.

I realize when I have finished enjoying the parade, tears or jeers,
nothing can be changed or regained. I was watching the movie "G" and I
was inspired to write this. Not just because of the outcome of the
movie, but the dilemma the protagonist was faced with. If you could
regain what was lost long ago, are you willing to handle the
consequences? Or, is love all we need, as people say? Is there always
that condition that is left unsaid, that if it is not met, love is out
the door?

The past is concrete, the present is malleable, and the future
intangible. I believe in love, and its strength. But to dwell on the
past love until it consumes the present, will inevitably corrupt the
future. So if you must visit the past, don't wear out your welcome. Make
it a short trip.

God bless.
Marcelle D. Ward

A Phi A on the Yard!

I love my A Phi A. I truly do. Really being an old dog know, I have a
profound appreciation for my brotherhood. No matter the year, it is deep
in my heart, ingrained, chiseled, in the immortal walls of my soul. I
will never forget my what transpired for me as well as those that follow
my footsteps. I am glad to know these brothers who continue to walk
onward and upward toward the light.

So much has changed, and yet it remains the same. Back on Millikin's
campus, it's almost as if I don't recognize it. New buildings, new
businesses and new faces...so wonderful to see. Looks as if Decatur's
trying to become a true college town. Outstanding! Alas I am troubled
because Rich Dunsworth and many of his cohorts are threatening what we
have established here with A Phi A, and all we will do in the future.

I know my frat is strong and will always endure, but it looks like other
people are standing in our way. After speaking with the bruhs on the
yard, I find it really imperative that we see what needs to be done...

I love all my brothers, and I know that I will see many of you today.
Come represent and show your support if you can. 06!
Bro. Trenchant, Fall '97, Theta Omicron Chapter.
Marcelle D. Ward

The World Will Explode

The world is gonna explode, can't you feel the rumbling now,
foundations rattling like a ziploc half-full of teeth, streets look like
crags and mountain peaks? Where people don't walk, they can only climb,
preoccupied with the hustle, the hardship, the prison of the mind?

The boom, the blast will be too big to be heard, likely we won't know
when it's time, there will be no words broadcasts will be terminated,
pictures lost behind the glass, perpetually frightened that the next
breath will be the last.

No heights to be reached, no more wealth to gain, no cost for selfish
thoughts to further a name, cause the world is gonna explode in a fiery
blaze, to raze the land from the demon's hand and banish him to his
cage.

Where will the children gather then, their playtime arrested, their
happiness removed, their future ingested, carrying the seeds of hope for
an unmarked cemetery of blackened dust and smoking incendiary?

The world WILL explode, and only God knows which path will open, who
will walk which road, the chosen few, the forsaken mass, but the last
shall be first and the first shall be last. The world WILL explode, but
here is the key: I can live for Christ because He died for me.
Marcelle D. Ward

The Triple L (Love Life Left)

I used to love what I thought was love like I needed love to love
myself, but the heat of love brought deceit in love now there isn't any
love life left.

A ring, a ring on your bones, encircling a digit, remarkably clinging to
me as it did your own, a ring so I was undone. No stones to fret your
fiendish intellect spent wrapped around a notion that held my potential
in esteem: you dreamt big. Hiding your ugliness under satin and perfume,
I learned never to throw pearls to a pig.

I sing of joyous reunion though, a miracle in crossing my past to grab a
future mine, seeking syllables and phrases to repay you in kind, in
time. Settle for silence and guesswork, the remnants of my furniture
and dress shirts, pieces of mail, old rags, to drape about the hovel of
a lovely nag; a lonely hag.

As we part lastly these words spring forth, bursting and splashing my
screen like water bombs and prolific colorful dreams all-in-one, knowing
a pitiful scheme left with other crippled fellows who knew you well but
vanished the same, I believe I played that same game. Yet you have not
figured it out, and in that I hold pity; in that there is shame.

I used to love what I thought was love like I needed love to love
myself, but the heat of love brought deceit in love now there isn't any
love life left.

Keep it regular, and don't be no sucka...
Marcelle D. Ward

Freedom to Dream

I am about to free myself. Gonna put myself in a hole, a dark cavern of
sightless songs to witness the flight of an eagle before im all gone and
used up. I seek release and freedom is the spark, the arrow, the reason
to embark upon a path to dream, again.

I am going to set my shoulders with a pair of wings and call myself away
from the earthen walk and follow the message in the clouds. I will
gather nothing and want for less, so I won't have to miss a thing. Call
it an ascent, a skyward gaze from a pit of disastrous change, coughing
its sickness.

I am about culture advanced, a subtle dance that lacks form but is
masterful in grace. Freedom in the mind makes for teaching the untaught,
having patience to gift another and perfect love. I am seeing freedom in
my hands holding a phone texting a blog to an unsuspecting few that will
be blessed...
Marcelle D. Ward